Afterlife and Ghosts
by lazy fat kitsune
Summary: Hijikata ponders on afterlife and Souji refuses to believe in the existence of ghosts. But they were more alike than they think. HijikataxSouji.


It's me...(cloud of doom and gloom) The lazy fat kitsune, deprived of many things...I wanna whine about it, but...ugh...too tired...In any case, I've been finding for Peacemaker anime and Kyou Kara Maou anime...I wanna buy it! But damn, I can't find it...and I need yaoi! Ok, I'm not a freak...I'm a **yaoi **freak. XD Gotcha.

On to the fic.(Stupid break lines, why won't it appear!)

**_Afterlife and Ghosts_**

Hijikata Toshizou never believed in afterlife. He believes that, when someone dies, they are gone forever. Perhaps he didn't want to believe either, because if something such as heaven exists, then surely he would never make it there. His hands were sinful; sometimes he awoke in the dead of the night to the feel of heavy wetness in his hands. It was, of course, metaphorical for he always washed his hands clean after each mission. He always made sure to pour away the water from which he washed the evidences of his unforgivable sins from.

Even if mass murder did not bind him to eternity in the fires of purgatory, nurturing another to be just like him definitely would. He saw to it that an innocent child held the weapon of destruction his skillful hands. He made the sweet youth into a murderer of no remorse. He severed his lover's ties to heaven.

And now Souji is undoubtedly suffering in that miserable dank hospital room, the one that smelt and tasted of death and dying. To die in such a manner…the Vice Commander knew, to Souji, it was the disgrace of all disgraces. His young charge and lover wanted to die on the battlefield, to bled from a visible wound, and not to lie in the hospital bed waiting for Death to claim him down to Hell, where he would forever burn without dying, for he would be already dead.

And so, Hijikata Toshizou never did and never will believe in afterlife.

**------------------------(,")YaoiIsTheLove(",)--------------------------**

Okita Souji refused to believe in ghosts. He thought that it would be sad for ghosts to exist, because then it meant that there are those who died before they could fulfil their deepest desire. He could not bear to think that those people that he killed would become ghosts, for then, wouldn't they come to haunt him?

But as he laid in that lonely room, the sounds of dying war echoing in his ears, he wondered how Hijikata was. He wondered if he was one of those in the midst, drawing his katana to slash into soft human skin. Those hands that once caressed him into the scathing fervor…would they now be drenched in blood?

His thoughts broke off as painful coughing erupted from his chest. This time, he did not retrieve the handkerchief to wipe off the crimson results. The trails of blood slipped past his lips in think lines, and weakly he moved to wipe at it with his sleeve. The blood smeared upon his chin and lips, painting a weak scarlet upon pallid skin. And just as suddenly, the discomfort in his lungs vanished.

Souji's eyes drifted shut as his tensed muscles slowly relaxed, coupled with an exhaustion he had never felt before. Sleep beckons, perhaps death. But it seemed so pleasant, except for the fact that he was terribly alone. When he next opened his eyes, what would he see? He wanted to see Hijikata. The vision of his lover's gruff expression shimmered in front of him for a second then spread out in particles.

Ghosts. Okita Souji will never believe in ghosts. Not now, not ever. It was painful imagine the dead unable to rest in peace. But if ghosts do exist, he wanted to be one too. He wanted, right at this moment as the last breathe was exhaled from his failing lungs past his crimson lips, to go his beloved Hijikata-san. He wanted to say…

**------------------------(,")YaoiIsTheLove(",)----------------------------**

The katana he wielded was double its usual frenzy. Blood splashed everywhere, on his face, his uniform, and on those hands that he had once used to hold Souji. But this was all for him as well, the one dying without being able to fight honourably. The sins he was commiting now was in Souji's place, because Souji could not do it himself.

The tears would never come, he knew. Souji could be dead by now, alone. He would…he would never hear the sweet laughter or the light teasing anymore. And now, where would Souji be? Heaven? Hell?

Hijikata's katana stopped mid air as sweet laughter echoed in his ears and the figure in white materialized in front of him. It was one he wanted to see for a long long time, ever since the climax of the war drew higher in pitch and rage.

"Souji.."

The pristine form smiled.

_"Hijikata-san…I love you…"_

**---------------------------(,")YaoiIsTheLove(",)----------------------------**

Hijikata Toshizou never believed in afterlife. But days, or was it months, later, as he lay dying in a pool of blood from the bullet in his back, he wanted for afterlife to exist. He wanted to be able to see that sweet figure again, whether in hell or heaven. It mattered not whether they would pay for their sins or not.

Because all he wanted now…

"Souji, me too…"

…was to say it back to his beloved Souji.

----------------------------**ENDisTheYaoi**---------------------------

_Bloody hell...can't put the breakline.. . Rawr...  
And crap,tests suck major ass especially when you had the feeling you'd definitely fail, but then I'm in a love-hate relationship with it; they gave me inspiration. And RAWR, this is the worst week ever, I was so busy, so deprived of sleep, so deprived of computer and Net time...the Gods are mocking me, I tell you! _

_But anyways, about the fic. I had the feeling my writing suck major ass...not in a good way, damn it. Ugh...the ending bits are real bad...seem to have not much of a sense of continuity, but I can't figure out how to repair the damage...So, ConCrit, anyone?_


End file.
